Fixture

I. 

We don’t have air conditioning
or much in the way of a television
We sit cross legged, yours over mine, on the pasty linoleum
listening to the radio spit crackled news and bits.
I sip your lukewarm tea, caffeine free
we talk of ventures, taxes, life’s beauties…

I wake in the mornings
your hand breaches the blanket
stretching I take it.
You softly exhale
breathing softer still
lips a cursive smile,
forget a picture
mentally a fixture
nothing will compare.

She screams when I come up behind her
turns in fury then laughs uncontrollably.
Hums as she glides through quiet times
Eyes ablaze when her mind’s alive
Dances at shows, sings songs no one else knows.
A poet’s disease, she writes in her dreams
wakes with another
idea that I’ll cover
to sing as she falls to sleep. 

I write songs for you
with lyrics too
singing off key
reactions of you reacting to me
absorbing it - unlocking this
smiling as each note’s missed.
You ask me to sing that song again,
the lullaby I played one month after we met,
“Candlelight, wash away,
dream through night of dreams we stay
grey together, frayed with age,
reverbs of this lullaby
resonate.”

II. 

It was 8PM, Tuesday
Our apartment vibrating with music.
Instead of jazz, you played a quest that got that
I listened, walking to the rhythm
though the hallway to the kitchen.
You sat in your position
legs resting on the other chair
hair in a ponytail
skin fair
eyes wide open
That stare.
There was good news in the air. 

I kneeled down beside you
brushed your lips
whiffed lilac fragrance
gave you a kiss.
Your fingers started tapping
a smile started cracking
playing piano on your torso
as the chorus came in.
Right then I knew, 
we were having our first kid.

III. 

There were children.
Beautifully terrible children,
rugrats, runts, rapscallions, 
smiling, upset, and those hormones.
The fights came and went
usually your mom and Steph
while Keira read the paper, 
and Jacob spent his teenage years
abandoning reason but his heart was there.
We grew from each other
no one more than their mother
whose capacity for love was unending
so far from what should be expected. 
She said the moments of parenthood
were baked into classrooms, dining tables, casseroles and carpools,
but the memories that stayed
were the stencils we shaped,
the kids cut it their own way
sprayed the graffiti and pulled it away. 
Teenage dried over adolescent paint
a portrait of our family
that no other artist could make
where only we could relate.

IV.

Each decade
your hand gets colder,
I get slower
my body aches
like a perpetual hangover.
We grow older
sunsets on our shoulders
when suddenly  
cancer shakes our core.

It took ten months
in beige chairs
barely leather, we sat there
hand in hand
tracing lines
vines of emaciated blood vessels
versions of us in disrepair.
You pointed to one that faded
asked how I would survive
if you didn’t make it.
Silence came about
before I could speak out.
You said,
I want you to sing to me,
my lullaby before you sleep.
I’ll always be there,
humming peacefully.

She passed
and I learned
to wake
without her hand’s embrace.
To empty space.

Our grandsons
stand strong
crashing through obstacles
minds to conquer
confidence to charge on.

Our granddaughter
is an explorer
whistling as she climbs trees
dropping her glasses
smiling in make believe
these moments barely seen
treasured by me.

Our children watch, 
understanding who I see.

I go to their beds
recite different versions
of fables and tuck them in.
Eyes flickering, faltering
their minds like a battery
sucked and spent.

I retire to my bedside
grabbing the guitar at my feet
sing the song I’ve been playing
the past half century.

My door slowly opens
Lucy pokes her head in
says she dreamed she heard
trees swinging in the wind.
Bifocals elsewhere, she squints
ambles to my bedside,
climbs right in. 
I start playing again,
softly her eyelids dip,
she lays next to me, 
lips split,
faintly humming.

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Monday Mixtape, Vol. 78

Apologies for my absences, but I've been enjoying my time off between jobs by vacationing in Bass Lake in California and headed to Mexico on Wednesday with one of my best buddies. Been a blast so far!

This week's mixtape is focused primarily on a band that had not, until a couple weeks ago, released an album in six years. Their prior album was my #2 Album of 2011, the unforgettable Helplessness Blues.

I've been digesting their new album, Crack-Up, for weeks now, and man, this music is dense. There are songs within songs, sometimes three in one, pitch changes, rhythm changes, and musical facelifts in the middle of songs. These are not songs that immediately take. These songs really do age like a fine wine.

I remember listening to Helplessness Blues over and over and over again. I knew I liked it, but I didn't love it. For some reason, I just kept listening, and eventually, my like turned to love. I have a feeling something similar is happening with this new album.

No track immediately stood out for me on first listen, but now, I have a handful of tracks that I gravitate towards. I've placed these on this week's mixtape as well as some of my older favorites from them.

If you haven't given these guys a chance, just know that it takes some time, and listen in.

Monday Mixtape, Vol. 77

For a very short period of time, my only job will be blogging for Layers & Sounds! Not sure if that will result in more output (most likely not) as I just resigned from my job and am taking a month off before starting my own business :) 

Enough about me, let's talk music:

I know that in many years, when I'm an old man listening to vinyls of yesteryear, Mac Demarco's classic album Salad Days (read my writeup on the album - my #1 album of 2014!) will be on rotation. It's almost impossible to follow an album like that, so it's not a huge surprise that the jokester Demarco was not up to the task. Nonetheless, his new album is an enjoyable, laid-back album to put on in the background during the late night of a party. There are a couple standout tracks, including this one, "This Old Dog" (and yes, he's mainly up to the same tricks).

Kembe X is one of the newer members on the TDE label (the infamous label with Kendrick, Isaiah Rashad, Schoolboy Q, Ab-Soul, and Jay Rock), and TDE continues to find gold. I really dig this guy and am interested to hear his major label debut. "Intro" is all you need to hear to know whether you're into him as well. There's nothing particularly unique about him, but it's just good music man!

It's killing me that the last thee songs Local Natives have released as singles - The Only Heirs, Tusk, and I Saw You Close Your Eyes - are so much better than half the songs on their recently released third album. These songs would have made that third album SO much more consistent and deep. Oh well.

I was very disappointed in Feist's recent album, only a song or two stuck out, and nothing really stayed with me for a prolonged time. This track is one of my favorites, a stripped down acoustic ballad that showcases one of the best and most original voices around. I think I was so disappointed in her album because her last, Metals, was also somewhat disappointing (though def better than this one) which was after her classic - another album I will absolutely be listening to when I'm wrinkly and gray! - 1, 2, 3, 4. That album alone is enough for me, but I always hoped for another great one from her. 

Ok, let's be honest here, no one really wants to hear an entire song of rappers rap about a high fashion label, in this case Raf (Simmons I believe). If I had my druthers, no one would EVER talk about Mason Margiela (if that's how you spell it - and no, I will not Google that to double check) or any of these other really expensive "it" designers who are helping us all blow money that we probably should be saving or spending on something a bit more worthwhile. (Rant over). But you know what we do want to listen to? A song with ASAP Rocky, Quavo, and Frank Ocean! So despite the terrible lyrics, this is still a pretty great song that's wrapped up by my fave, Frank Ocean, who lets us know that he charges $2.5 million per show. Not bad, Frank. Also kind of amazing that he never performs which is probably which that price tag can be so damn high.  

Finally, I'm excited for Foster the People's third album. That's all I gotta say on that. 

Have a good week, peoples!

Monday Mixtape, Vol. 76

My task for you this week is to just press play on the mixtape and not look at who the artists are. Just press play and listen.

Listened?

So this week's mixtape features two artists whom I never really thought would be on the mixtape. Why? Because one - Harry Styles - was from One Direction, and the other was a band that I never particularly liked, a little too much of The Used clones when no one could do their sound like them.

BUT they both released albums this year, and lo and behold, I stumbled on to them and really, really like both albums! I liken Paramore's new album to Carly Rae Jepsen's pop masterpiece "Emotion" from 2015, an album of epic upbeat party jams with an 80s disco flair.

Paramore's "After Laughter" comes in the wake of a lawsuit from the former original member and bassist of Paramore who claims that he got screwed out of ownership of the band by the lead singer, Hayley Williams, thereby missing out on millions of dollars. The suit settled for an undisclosed sum.

Who knows whose story to believe, but Hayley Williams clearly has the bigger microphone, and this album is covered in innuendo or straight up lyrics the lawsuit and Williams' romantic relationship with him as well.

The last track on the album, a beautiful piano ballad (I LOVE piano ballads - which may explain why I use to love Coldplay so much. I mean, come on, "Trouble" is still one of my favorite piano based songs I've ever heard: 

*end parentheses) called "Tell Me How," which pretty much sums the whole album up.

I saw Hayley Williams perform on Kimmel and she's a bad ass, she's got a little Gwen Stefani in her (who, I know at this point and time is a bit more of a tabloid fixture and reality TV show person, is one of the most badass performers I've EVER seen live. No joke, her stage presence was incomparable. She just radiated confidence, beauty, and talent. I saw her on a No Doubt reunion tour (which was AWESOME) for $5, and she just crushed it.).

Now to Harry Styles. Let's just say that I'm awestruck by his debut solo album. I think it is very good with shades and influences of all the British rockers (and John Mayer) I can think of: Pink Floyd (Meet Me in the Hallway), Bowie (Sign of the Times), Elton John (Woman), Mick Jagger (Carolina), and a bunch of 80s hairband rockers on Kiwi and Only Angel. The John Mayer track should be heard the moment it's played: Sweet Creature, which sounds more like Born and Raised-era Mayer. In fact, listen to "The Age of Worry"

and then Sweet Creatures... 

Whoa. So yeah, I'd say Mayer was an influence. 

But all these influences make a pretty compelling debut album from the dude from One Direction.  And it's happened before people! Remember Marky Mark? His acoustic debut solo album was SO GOOD.

I AM JOKING - Marky Mark did not do such a thing (Say hello to your mutha fa me), but Justin Timberlake did! Sometimes the true talent of a group shines when he/she got solo (Beyonce, anyone?) and everyone else is left in the dust (Joey Fatone...). So if anyone's going to do it, it's Harry with the voice of an angel and a heartthrob for all the ladies. He came across pretty likable in Rolling Stone's cover article on him. 

ALAS, enjoy the show! 

Listen to This - Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever

Starting back in 2012, I kept a playlist called "Holy Shit, Listen to This!" which encompassed bands that I had just discovered and was completely obsessed with:

I invite you to listen to some of this even though it's many years old and most of these bands never quite exceeded my lofty expectations. But that Peace EP was SO GOOD, "Calling All Gamma Rays" is still a song I love to listen to, the Angus Stone album holds up, and my man Mac Demarco's album "Salad Days" was my #1 Album of 2014.

ALAS, this all brings me to Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever. The first song I heard from them is the first song of theirs on this little playlist, 2017's "French Press." Immediately, I thought, "Holy Shit! Everyone needs to hear this!!"

If this song doesn't get you going, just shut down Spotify and go on your merry way. But if the upbeat drums get you nodding your head, then the first phasey guitar reverbs away, then the other guitar comes blasting in, and you're just waiting for the vocals which come in a nonchalant gruff and accent-y (they're Aussies) speak-songy way, a rawness reminding me of the Strokes and Libertines type of style.

After hearing "French Press," I immediately ingested everything they've written (at least on Spotify) which lead me to create my favorites from what I've heard of their two EPs from 2017 and 2016. These guys fucking rock. Hope you enjoy too!

Monday Mixtape, Vol. 75

Apologies for my absence, I've been traveling seeing friends and family, certainly a good excuse to abandon my musical duties. But I'm back, and my goodness, there's been some great music released in the past few weeks. 

Phoenix dropped their first single off their new album, and like their other unforgettable songs, most specifically:

This week's track from him, "Rollin," features Future, a man who continues to churn out great music at a prolific pace.

I really loved Childhood's first album, and their newest single shows some promise for what's ahead. "California Light" sounds retro with horns and Gibbs-brothers like falsettos. This song's played in the twilight of a roller disco. 

Finally, Foster the People released three tracks from their upcoming third album. Their second album was super out there, something I really respected from a band that took over the world with "Pumped Up Kicks," and decided to go in an alternate direction instead of taking over the pop world further. Mad respect! 

Have a good week all!

Monday Mixtape, Vol. 74

My love of Cousin Stizz dates back to 2015 when he released his debut album, Suffolk County, a pure and sincere rap album with no gimmicks, features, or pop songs, just raw as hell Stizz. He's been getting some buzz recently which would explain how he got Offset (from Migos) to feature on this week's opener. What a beat and a catch hook. 

I'm not exactly sure who Ron Gallo is, but if this song - the first track on 2017's HEAVY META - is any indication, the guy is a throwback. "Young Lady, You're Scaring Me" sounds like a song destined for a scene in a Scorcese movie when someone has done entirely too many drugs - as always happens in his movies - and is on a hotel balcony, teetering on the balcony, their life in the balance.  

Whitney just makes great background music. I put them in the same genre as Real Estate but with a bit more pep and soul. Love these guys. 

Spoon has once again released another really good album. I spoke about this a bit last week, but they are one of the few bands that adapt their sound a bit here and there and continue to make quality music while staying relevant over a timespan that any musician would strive for. 

If you forgot who Taleb Kweli was well shame on you! How could you forget one of the best rap albums of all time, Mos Def and Taleb Kweli Are Black Star, and one of my favorite rap songs:  

Kweli released an album with Styles P and this is my favorite track. Glad to hear he's still after it.

Don't know who Soulwax is, but this is one funky electro song. As for John Mayer making his way back on to the mixtape, I just thought "In the Blood" was a great song on what we have instilled in us from our parents and everything we've been through: Will it wash out in the water or is it always in the blood? 

Finally, Slowdive hasn't made an album since 1996, so we'll say they were due for some new music. If you can't hear their influcene on DIIV, well listen to DIIV again!

Monday Mixtape, Vol. 73

Oh man, oh man. Kendrick. Let's start off with the fact that he released one of my favorite songs of the year, The Heart Part 4:

A song with three different beats that Kendrick destroys with a confidence and abandon that no other rapper alive could think of doing. This man KNOWS he is the greatest rapper alive. "Don't tell a lie on me, I won't tell the truth bout you," he threatens to all the shit talking rappers with little to back up against Lamar. 

This track was released prior to Lamar's album, DAMN. released on Friday. Because of the quality of The Heart Part 4, I was amazed by its absence on his new album. I thought, "Ruhroh. Either's he gone mad to not include something this good or his new album is so great he doesn't even need this track." 

So yeah, it's the latter. 

DAMN. is the astonishment of everyone hearing this album for the first time. DAMN. is the thought when Lamar announces on the first real track, DNA, aside the bass rattling, "I got loyalty, got royalty inside my DNA. Cocaine quarter piece, War and Peace inside my DNA." DAMN. is the realization that Lamar is now one of the best rappers of all time. There are too many damns that you almost stop giving a damn. But, really, DAMN!

I'm going to try to do an album review sometime soon of DAMN. because it's an astonishing piece of art. It's already getting crazy love on the interwebs, and as I am typing this, I am counting down the minutes until Kendrick headlines Coachella which can be watched (and almost all of Coachella, for that matter) for free on YouTube (God Bless America)! 

There's so much other great stuff going on in music right now, some of it included on this mixtape. Little Dragon released a pretty great album, Spoon released a quality album (they just don't make bad records - I don't like this one as much as They Want My Soul - probably because it doesn't have a track like Inside Out, but it's still a damn good listed), John Mayer released his best album since Continuum (more on this next week though I've written a ton about most of the songs on the album already since they were released in EPs before the whole album - this is some new gimmick thanks to Spotify and all the other streaming companies), Joey Bada$$ released a damn good sophomore album, and Father John Misty released an album which starts great but quickly falls off a boring ass cliff of regurgitated songs from his last two (great) albums. 

So this is a good one. Enjoy! 

Monday Mixtape, Vol. 72

It's midnight, so I should probably get to sleep shortly. But first, be entranced by Leif Vollebekk, a singer/songwriter I just discovered that most clearly sounds like Ryan Adams, but "Elegy" gives him raspier vocals that hint of Angus Stone. This is a great album that I thoroughly recommend. 

Speaking of albums I thoroughly recommend, if you haven't listened to Drake's new album then what have you been doing? "Passionfruit" is one of my front-runners for song of the year, and "Portland" sounds like Drake got into the new Zelda game because there's some serious ocarinas blowing in that song. 

It's somewhat confounding that Local Natives have released two tracks in the aftermath of their mildly disappointing (or just not astounding or the album most huge fans were hoping for) third album that are better than most of the songs on the third album! This track brings an orchestra into the fry and Taylor's vocals actually sounding good again (instead of ridiculously whiny)

So the Gorillaz have a new album coming out. Their song with Vince Staples is sick and this song with D.R.A.M. is even better. Can't wait for this album in its entirety. 

Finally, Laura Marling's album is a great jaunt through the leafy woods. She's got that folksy Wes Anderson movie-like sound. I dig it.  

That's it. Past midnight, I'm spent!